Mirtazipine: I was put on this 9 weeks ago, I'm not too sure what to say really, I'm scared (again) I dont want to put anyone off this drug (I have read some good stuff about it) But its just zapping the life out of me I am so tired and putting on weight like nothing else, I have put on 5 kg's in 8 weeks. Yet I feel so tired I dont care I just dont care about anything I feel so dead, I told the psych about the fatigue and she recommended taking it earlier in the evening, however the fatigue seems to be lasting all day now, Driving is really hard I have to rest about every 45 minutes otherwise I risk going to sleep at the wheel (that would solve a few problems but I cant risk hurting anyone else)
Anyway here I am agreeing with my psychiatrist who says "you are so much more relaxed..etc.." Wow!! so I agree with her and she thinks I am all better( or at least I think thats what she thinks). Yet it seems to go unnoticed that I still want to die every day I am pissed off I even woke up, I just feel so conflicted because in all honesty I am monitering myself and still tell them what they want to hear (or what I think thay want to hear) I am so messed up again and lost. I feel like I have lied to them and I have but unintentionally, I dont know why I keep 'covering' up my symptoms. I believe that in my heart I cant really be that depressed theres always someone worse off. Then the other day I go and take a pathetic overdose (if I tell the psych team they are going to think its attention seeking, so I dont tell them). So I dont know how bad is bad and am I expecting too much? Is life actually like this and I am seeking something that doesnt exist I dont know at the moment, or is the mirtazipine just making feel so.. like I dont care one way or the other?