I have mixed feelings about AA - most of them positive.

AA has helped me tremendously during my struggles with alcohol. I believe at the root of it AA is simply extremely good group therapy. It gets me out of the house at night when I want to be drinking. It gives me a network of sober people, some of whom have become good friends, it gives me a safe space to talk about my struggle with alcohol where people understand, and having read the 12 and 12 numerous times, believes it does give me some tools to live my life in a better way. And I am profoundly grateful to my sponsor for helping me work through jeaousy / anger issues by talking about them and rather than letting them fester which would probably have led me to drink.

There are a few things that I don't like about AA.

Some, and by no means all, members can be extremely judgemental about people who struggle by sobriety. I have had extreme difficulty with sobriety and have rekapsed multiple times, but I've kept starting over. I've had people come flat out and tell me that because i can't stay sober, I must not be working the program correctly or hard enough. That to me is not helpful, it makes me want to stay away from meetings.

Second is the belief that AA is the only way. I've gotten flack for going to rehab that was not 12 step based, and get flack for continuing to go there for treatment 2 X a week. I've actually had people in AA warn me away from this hospital treatment program. I have been in a rehab that was entirely 12 step based and it was an unmitigated disaster that I actualy think did my recovery more harm than good. I needed a concurrent disorders program and found one at a hospital that happened to be close to me and it has helped me immensly. Ironically the staff at this hospital is for the most part extremely pro - AA / NA, and they encourage clients to become involved. But they also understand alcoholism, particularly for people with MH issues is more complex than a simple addiction to alcohol and requires work on other underlying issues if long term sobriety is to be acheived.

The thrid thing that bugs me about AA is the insistance about talking only about alcoholosim and that everythin else is an outside issue. I understand the rational behind this and believe it has helped keep AA strong and successfull for so many years. Yet I believe it is limiting. For me my MH treatment is as important to my sobriety as is attendance at meetings yet there are members who tell me it's not relevant. I have also been told by a member that continuing to take one particular psych med would inevitably lead me to relapse. Perhaps, but not taking it could lead me to kill myself and between relapsing and being alive, I'll take the relapse. I remember when I went IP to a psych hospital, I told my sponsor that where I was going and so I wouldn't be able to attend my homegroup for a couple of months nor would I be able to call her as regularly. She said, "Don't worry I won't tell anyone where you are, if anyone asks I'll just tell them you're someplace safe." After all the embarassing things I've done while drunk that my home group members knew about, going IP on a psych ward didn't seem like that big a deal to me, yet she somehow felt that other's shouldn't know. To me the reluctance to talk about mental illness in AA is a huge issue.

But on balance, I'd say AA is major help to me, and I've drastically upped my meeting attendance since my last relapse. I'm not quite doing 90 in 90, but I am averaging 5 - 6 meetings a week, and it's definitely helping me stay sober.

For me combining AA with proper MH care, and a more contemporary approach to addictions treatment seems to work for me, and I try to take the best from all three to find a path that works for me.

---splitimage