Please be careful what you say to your clients and patients.

I really mean it.

Every single words counts.

One word can give them hopes, one comments can change their lives.

I saw this counselor. I had tell her and go through all my traumas again.
No matter how much I talk about my traumas, my pains and hurts are same as before. Nothing has been changed about my past.

Many years have passed. All the bad memories I remember... talking about my past or traumas did not help at all. Every time I end up talking about my past, I go back to those times, I get really scared. I feel all the pains in my heart and all over my body. I just lose all the hopes and skills that I've built.

This lady, who has many years of experience dealing with clients. She was quite straight forward. Very clear what she was saying.

I am so fed up with talking therapy. I am going to continue seeing my P doc though because I know that I have to take med forever.

On the first session with this lady, I clearly told her that I don't want to talk about my past. I just want to move on and focus on learning skills on coping. So the first 2 sessions went OK. She made mistakes on appointment that I made with her twice. Which is fine cuz she just made mistakes. However I doubted about her organizations and time managements and so on. It's very crucial that each appointment counts and so important that she is there for me. But she wasn't.

I tried my best to be patient with her. Understand that she simply made mistakes.

one day, I had to talk about my past AGAIN. She told me that she has to know. She was even asking unnecessary questions, just for her curiosity.
Those questions really annoyed me and pissed off.

We were talking about my career.
I told her that my dream and goal is to find something that I love to do and good at and hopefully I can make some money from them.
without any hesitations, she said this
" Well, which is impossible"

we laughed together but I felt little uncomfortable.
2 weeks passed by. That comment that she made started to bother me like crazy. How dare she can say stuff like to in front of my face?
Was that helpful at all??? NO! not at all.

I've been getting these kinds of comments from my family. Especially with my family. Keep putting me down and tell me that I can't do anything.
I am not worth it. I don't do anything right. I simply won't be able to achieve anything.

When she ask me to tell her about my childhood, I just wanted to vomit right there. I started to feel dizzy.. she said that it's important for her to know and it's the last time she will ask me about my past. So, I did my routines, I was reading scripts from my brain. I didn't tell her all the details because it will take ages to finish my story. All those pains and hurts came right back at my heart. I started to get chocked because I am so fed up with crying...

I've decided to be honest with her. I told her that I am very suicidal.
I even wrote down exactly what I would do to make sure my suicidal plan will work for sure this time. I told her that I don't care about anything anymore and that scares me that I will actually succeed my plans.
I am at the point that I am becoming really selfish and just ready to do it and I don't worry about my family and friends.

This is what she said.
" Why are you telling me this?"

I was like EXCUSE ME??? ( in my head)

I wasn't sure why she was asking me that why I was telling her about my suicidal thought and plans.

I said this to her
" I am being really honest and I am asking for help"

Then she said this
" Well, there is northing's I can do to change your past"

I told her that I know about that. but she is the one who told me to tell her about my past and I was falling apart and even telling her that I am ready to kill myself.

I was asking her if I could see her once a week. That I don't have anyone to talk to. Especially about my suicidal thoughts.

She told me that it's not necessary and it won't help me.
that I have to attend group therapy and try to learn skills.

What the F**K.

I was going to focus on learning skills and she was asking me to tell her all my past when I clearly told her that I just want to move on. She convinced me to keep talking about my trauma and every nightmares came back so I became suicidal and I was asking for help and ..........

blah blah blah....

Of course she has all the excuses and reasons for doing anything that she has said to me or asked me.
I feel that professionals are so busy figuring out what would be the best for their interests and their business.

So, with her, she gave me impressions that she is going to decided what will be helpful for me. Even I told her that all I want is if I could see her once a week, just to talk. She clearly didn't listen to me and those negative comments made me depressed more than ever. I am very discouraged about asking for help. Everything I ask or do will get rejected and not worth trouble asking.

So if you are students who is thinking about getting into counseling industry where you want to help ppl, please ask yourself why.

Those P docs or therapists
Please re-think about what you are about to tell your clients and patients.

May be I was excepting too much from professionals.
I just don't know the limits anymore and I am very confused.

one word can save or kill someone.