Well I am now living in NJ so I am seeing a different doc and well its just a headache. We told them the other meds were not working and that all they did was up my dosage so my new doc but me on the new meds which so far are not helping.

I try to spend and do things with my kids but after 30mins I am wiped and start snapping or withdraw into myself. Even today for Easter we had a great egg hunt, lazy breakfast but then I was done and the noise and family was too much. Luckily I sent them upstairs to playing before yelling at them.

I'm just tried of fighting yet I keep fighting. I wish someone would just say its ok to stop. Like you do when someone is on hospice care and you tell them its ok to go. This is my 3rd partial hospital, I've been hospitalized once almost 3xs but the 1st time I judge ruled I was to be housebound until x amount of therapy and the 2nd time I refused b/c the nurse lied to be. That was 3 weeks ago when I sat on the couch crying and telling my hubby good bye and he just needs to accept and understand. Well he asked me to give it 1 more chance. So here I am. In more pain then before and just continue to sink each day.I almost told doc how Su I have become but didn't want to be hospitalized for Easter. Instead I told her my SIing has increased, which it has.

I don't see her till next week and my case worker who I think is a LCSW but am not sure is away on vacation til next week as well. So I would have to tell this all to a different person and well yea.