No it's okay. I'm finding it hard to explain the situation (because I've never been like this before), so I can understand why it might not fully make sense. I don't want to talk to most people now, but at the time time a few weeks ago when I DID want help, nobody was willing to give it. So I figured fine, I won't make any effort back. There are some friends who I haven't spoken to in months because they never seem to want to see me, so I am not going to make any effort to chase them up anymore like I have in the past. I'd stress myself out wondering why I came up second best in some friends lives, whether or not they even like me because they never show it, I'm not going to keep stressing about it anymore. Some people, if they call me or send me a message I will reply to, but really I just want nothing to do with anyone. I have had 3 friends notice I was down and ask if I was fine or try to see me, I'm more than happy to.

While I was angry a few weeks ago (and for about the first 3 days I was actually ANGRY), I decided that I was just going to forget people and move on with taking care of myself, and if anyone actually wanted to see me they would contact me, otherwise, forget them. I have friends who will make plans with me, tell me they'll call me or whatever at a certain time, then leave me waiting all day only to tell me they have other plans now. Then I don't hear from them again for months. I come up second best, they make other plans knowing full well I'm sitting at home waiting for them all day thinking we are going somewhere.
Then there are all the times I've gone out of my way for people who have needed help and they don't make any effort to care in return.
Do I deserve all that? Should I wait around for people like that? No. I am starting to see now a lot of the people around me. I can name 3 people out of all my friends who I don't doubt. The rest, well I just don't know.

Does that make a bit more sense? haha I'm hopeless at explaining myself sometimes. I'm not so sure myself really, it's just something that came over me, I feel kind of evil!