It's getting worse every day. I wake up this way... after more than normal sleep. I'm scared, dreading the day to come. supposed to be practicing.
I hate feeling depressed, no matter what the cause.
I hate hating what I do every day.
I hate never seeing my boyfriend.
4 hours of rehearsal today. Need to practice. Double booked myself and having trouble contacting the teacher of the class - if I don't my grade will go down - no good if I want to transfer.
Mother not acceptant or receptive of what I'm feeling. All alone here. Want to go home.
Want to cry for hours. Want to escape but would feel so guilty I'd take everything with me.
Called T for extra session this saturday, didn't fix it, dont know what can. Not on meds, didn't need meds but crashing can't try meds because last time they caused more issues wouldn't be able to finish semester and they'd throw me away again.
Breathing isn't even as easy as normal... almost feels like the VERY first signs of panic attack... won't get there but not fun...