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Originally Posted by imapatient
You seem to be not quite here, nor quite there as far as the system is concerned. It's horrible you had to end up in the ER when that could've been prevented.
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agreed 100%. i don't "fit" any one "pigeon hole" therefore i am flailing in the system. and i too believe this *could have been prevented*. And so many systems involved here - none of them are working.
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I'm encouraged by your post about taking a week off; you sound in a better mood. I hope that is so.
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yeah - i've got to get a grip and work on this final of mine. i can't CAN'T spend energy this week on the messed up systems. I'm not calling any of them, not meeting the apartment rep who wants me in case management, i'm not going to sit with him and call all over the dang city for answers that do not exist. I'm not going to fight with T. Not this week. No more. meh! I'm going to rely on the things I know I can do, write my final, i have the meds for back up (and found that really all I need is a 1/4 to get me thru when things start going down hill), and i know ALL that stuff will *sigh* still be waiting for me next week. I can pick it all up then
oh yeah - and after emailing T, she responded that she agreed (that I need to work on my paper only) and that that is a good plan and see you in a week. she has no understanding that I'm pretty mad; at her, at me, at the systems, at ...at...at..... and yet i can see it all in Bigger Picture too, where i lose all my anger. BUT! I just can't let it take more time.
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Soon, though you'll be totally under the new T and clinic and have greater stability and support--true?
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gah!!! who the hell knows. at the walk in clinic, the gal said they don't perscribe benzos but she'd call my clinic as well as talk with their perscriber. "I actually got to talk to your therapist and she said she is still working with you around the anxiety, so since she is still willing to work with you, we can't actually prescribe you anything. Your therapist also said she'd be checking back with you - not today, but this week."
@_@
I broke down crying AGAIN and explained that i'd just seen T that very morning and she'd said she *couldn't* manage to help me because nothing seems to work.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooo i have absolutely NO idea what is going on or why T is contradicting herself.
so sick of it all. but that's the counselor who sat with me until i accepted that i was going to the ER. They were my last hope (and i do really mean last - I'd checked out every single lead, talked with all sorts of clinicians) and she could tell that even tho i said i was fine, said i needed to think about it, said i was going to go home - that there was only this one alternative left and she was gentle but unrelenting about having me go there.
Since then I talked with the apartment rep (qmhp) and he even started talking *inpatient*.
It just goes to show that the "system" (all of them) IS BROKEN. It is. People are caught between mild (symptoms are managable) and extreme (no one is willing to help higher showing symptoms so we'll hand you over to the hosp, who btw also doesn't think you should be there).
Ok - i'm going to breathe, make some tea, get off the net
and start editing my paper!
thanks, btw!
