I don't know what is happening to me, each day gets harder and harder to get through. Today I have done nothing achieved nothing and I feel so low. So full of Pain, so broken, so defeated. I tried to contact my mental health worker today, problem, she's still away sick talk about being trapped with no where to turn.... It's been quite scary as I've been having intense thoughts of suicide.... but don't know where they are coming from or what is driving them... is it just my own self responding to the depth of pain I am experiencing... God I wish there was a magic wand for this illness, instead it gets harder to cope with.... I'm struggling to make any of my coping skills, distractions... etc work, just feel too worn out to fight at this stage.... Maybe one day I'll be able to sit with the emotion without the need to escape and find a way to avoid feeling.... I just wish there was a way of switching it all off... I feel so full, so down, so lost and defeated... I don't know how much longer I can fight... It's breaking me down..

<font color=purple> **Everyone who lives dies, but not everyone who dies has lived** </font color=purple>