So T's away for another 2 weeks and thats ok, but what I realised for the first time is how alone that leaves me feeling. I mean I can't bring her to life by talking to friends or hubby about her, shes almost like a secret friend that no one knows about or must know about. That does make sense?

I realised last night that if she were to die, I'd be left with no one to share my grief with nor have anyone to share the time we spent together with because its not a natural friendship.

Yes, yes I know some might say that she serves a different purpose, but still I am human and feel like I'm alone on a desert island with my feelings toward T. I feel I am carrying her absence alone within myself.

I suppose there is no other way for it to be, but just as it is, but still, this is the first time I've noticed this. I know when I mentioned about her dying in the past she said there is someone that would be able to work with me in that event and I said, but I dont want anyone else but you.

I suppose I share have to talk this over with her when she returns, about how lonely it feels, I cant say to anyone that I miss her, well I could, but I just don't feel that feels right. I shall continue to miss T on my island, thts all I can do.