My (soon to be ex) wife and I have been together five yrs and married the last two. We have a 19 mo old child. This has been my first real relationship other than a few random 2-3 day occasions. Last year we were having problems with our relationship. I had lost my job and was "in a funk" about not being able to be the provider and supporter for the family. Her personality also seem to change to where she did not seem to show me or tell me that she loved me. I shutdown and did not speak of what I was feeling to her. And she got tired of trying to talk to me.
At this same time we had a mutual friend who was hanging out a lot at the house, which I did not mind, but it was a hinderence to my wife and I working towards anything with the relationship. Tension built and built between my wife and I until we decided to separated for a while. I did not want to, but I told her if that is what she wanted I was willing to respect her wants, but she was going to have to ask me to leave. I was not going to walk away from her and my family unless she thought it was what was best to fix the problem and unless she asked me to. She asked, and said she thought it would be best so she could clear her head.
In passing, I had asked our mutual friend to "help out" one day while he was at the house before I left. I was vaguely referring to our relationship, but also meant around the house with things and the kids.
I found out a few days later he was sleeping over on the couch. I spoke with both of the, letting them know I had put a lot of trust into the situation, but with how things already were to not make it "look like that". Over this period of time I had been writing letters and trying to communicate with my wife how I did really feel and she shut herself off from me. A week or two later we had a talk at the house (first her and I and later all three of us) where they expressed to me that they had discovered feelings for each other. I was dumbfounded. Here I was going crazy being alone...without my wife....without my daughter.....trusting everything to work towards "doing the right" thing.....
So I soon filed for divorce. I couldn't stand being married to a woman who didn't love me. I was full of wrath because of how I had been treated (yes, I know that also sounds selfish) , so I went both guns blazing. I began to gather evidence, record our phone calls, and take pics of our texts. Neither one of us was willing to work with the other. Not to nit pick and get into the details of it...yadda yadda as they say. Things got ugly.
We had both been marijuana smokers. I quit for a number of reasons. Perhaps my main reason at the time was because I wanted custody, so I cleaned up. Doing so while seeing my wife continue on with the same habit, but with another man, while the kids where in the same house - it let me see things from an outside perspective. I saw just how wrong I had been. At the time she wasn't willing to quit what she was doing, so I made a report to DFCS (child protection services). Shortly after making the report, I told her what I did. Of course she flipped, because that did not involve just our child, but put her other 3 kids at risk of being taken away also.
To wrap up a story which is too long to begin with...we went to court, I used what evidence I had (against her and her "boyfriend") and the judge issued a temp order which granted her primary physical custody with joint legal custody, ordered both of us to take self paid monthly drug tests, and ordered me to pay child support.

I think I will halt the story here to see what comments and advice come from this. The attempt of reconcilliation will be the next chapter...

To be cont.