TheByzantine, Thank you for the ideas, very good ones! Your right I just need to find the way to get me to start all of this...really thats the biggest, hardest part. I know what to do, why, how, but my mind says noooo don't do it it's too scary and you will not be able to do it. I do believe that a good counselor (one who won't just say "go drive and let me know how it goes") can help me make it to that first major big step...the start. It may be a little time before I can start counseling but I feel I have to have that before I can take that step.