Welcome to PC
I wish I could tell you if you have bipolar or not, but I'm obviously not a doctor. From what you've described, it
could be bipolar II, but it could be something else entirely. I hope you will see a psychiatrist and tell him/her exactly what you've shared. The only part I would question is you said you were on high doses of anti-depressants, and
generally anti-depressants on their own (with no mood stabalizer) will send a person with bipolar into hypomania or even mania. I have bipolar II but I was manic and psychotic once...when they put me on prozac.
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I have not gone to a doctor about it just yet. I sort of hate doctors and I didn't want to go in there with just an idea about something I think I might have, and nothing solid to prove that it existed.
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If you were showing signs of diabetes wouldn't you go see a doctor even though you don't have any solid proof? That's kind of the point of doctors...we tell them the symptoms we're having and they try to find out what is going on and try to help, right?
Sorry if I wasn't very helpful! I hope you will let us know how you are doing...take care!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."