will i EVER be well again?

I am 36. I am terrified of aging and terrified of dying. It affects every single minute second moment of my life.

no matter what i do

i have tried many meds but they make me worse

i have been in therapy since this started two years ago with no progress

i have tried things to keep me busy like yoga, exercise, other hobbies, volunteer but nothing works

I am just terrified

I am so depressed about the passing of time

i miss the past tremendously because i was not like this

i am useless to my children

what do i do

i am scared every second

i also recently divorced my husband due to abuse and i am devastated because all that i had was only with him, a life, a family, friends, home, future, community, social life, everything, and now i only get the kids half the time and that is torture

I cannot live this way

no one knows what to do

therapists and psychiatrist and family are stumped

is this how i have to live????