I normally do not write this on here, but - on this occasion I am stepping out and saying to you that I think you need to take a good look at yourself.

I think your behaviour throughout is awful. The only thing, funnily enough, which I think is understandable and quite 'normal' is your anger and wanting a divorce. Strangely, this is the only thing in your post that you label as 'selfish'.
If you said that you wanted to stay with her while she has feelings to this friend - I would question your self esteem and your true motives.

As for the rest - the other positive thing I can see - is the fact that you gave up on the drugs. Very good.

I also think that the judge decision is wonderful.

As for my criticism (I know you may not want it) - I think you abused your wife. First by pushing her away and not communicating (I sense there was more passive aggressive behaviour than that and more aggressive behaviour - maybe I am wrong?) and then by performing this parade of taking evidence and being obsessive and then with taking her to court asking the court to take her kids a way from her.

Let me tell you - your wife, and any wife for this matter, and any woman - is just as equal to men. Women deserve to be respected, cared for and treated equally. I think your thinking may need to change a little... but I could be wrong as this is only an online text. Nonetheless, I have good insticts and if you want things to get better - the best thing you can do is read about abuse, take responsibility for your actions, apologise to her and build a good relationship with your kids and never come between them and their mom. She is valubale. And so are you.

Good luck!