I am sorry you are in such pain. You are not alone hon so hopefully you will gain some insights and strength from sharing. I know that feeling that things will never get better but it will. Love yourself and treat yourself with kindness. I often turn to nature to distract me and focus my attention so that I can stop thinking about things that take me down. I may go into my garden and just spend time examining the magic of a single flower. Some people listen to music or do something creative. I find often accomplishing something, even if it is just tidying my desk or getting to a long put of task can help pick my up. If just for a while it is worth the break.

I wonder if there isn't someone else you could talk to. A friend or another family member. If things get really bad don't be afraid to call a local crisis phone line.

Keeping the hope alive for you.