I understand too. I feel a lot of "what ifs" too -about life and death. We can lose people; it's true, but not likely that your T won't come back. I struggle with the same issues--when my Ts would go away or even if they didn't, I'd worry that something would happen and they would die.

I try not to think about it. My baby grandson is having open heart surgery next week. I'm very scared. We have to live life even with the "what ifs". I also suggest telling your T our fears. I think she could tell you where she is going on her vacation. Most Ts are open about that, if it would help alleviate your fears.