I hide my emotions...panic attacks...anxiety attacks...paranoia...fear...self loathing...sometimes I am so unstable and yet able to hide what I feel...almost like it isn't there...but it is...just under the surface ready to consume me...I tell myself its not my fault but it is my fault my own fault...but then who really cares really...when is it time to say enough is enough...Im 50 yeasr old and still dealing with stuff that happened so long ago...I've a therapist...whom is still in school...she could be my daughter for goodness sake...how can I tell her things when I can hardly stand to hear it in my own head...but how do I tell her that she is treading very close to...what...what is she getting close to...I want to change therapists...better yet just forget it...it is easier just to let it be...except here in my old age I seem to be finding it harder to hide...the emtions just leak out in the most silliest of places...well...thanks for letting me rant for awhile...the anxiety and panic are here so I wont be alone...lol...goodnight all...