I don't think my T became 'real' to me until well over a year had gone by. It shifted when I became aware that the crisis last summer had been very painful for her as well. I guess like you, before that I would miss therapy and her 'therapistness', but not her. 'Slow to warm up' could be my middle name!
BTW, there is nothing weird about you or your feelings...I don't know who taught you to question and second-guess yourself so much, but they sure did a through job! Here's hoping you find a little mental space to relax and just be your rainbow self!