I found out yesterday that I'm gonna be an aunt...that was the trigger for all of this. I started thinking about how happy my mom would've been to see another grandchild on the way.

Sure I feel like less of a woman because I'm the only one in the family to be without children, but that's not what this is about...all triggers to thinking about my mom.

I miss her so badly...I just want to give up sometimes to be with her. But I have a bf to tend to, my father would be crushed, so would the rest of the family. I can't stand it sometimes that I'm without my mother. When I imagine her face I start to cry. Last night all I could do was see her happy in my mind.

I hope I am not one big disappointment to her, where ever she is. I feel like I may be because I have no children yet. This is a big issue because I really want children but I may end up being without child...