Well, my first thought when I read this title was that looking at porn is fairly normal. I've done it and my boyfriend does it, and it doesn't change the way he feels about me. He just likes voyeurism, and doesn't have a real urge to touch the people he watches. In my particular situation, telling him he couldn't do it would be like telling him to give up any other activity he enjoyed. And forcing him to feel ashamed or even tempted to sneak behind my back could do harm to our relationship.

But reading further into what you've said, it seems as though your guy has gone beyond just 'looking at porn.' It can be done healthily, but in his situation it's not. Missing work, driving hours for it, engaging in virtual sex acts with others, and doing that kind of stuff with his ex-wife is not acceptable. I wouldn't put up with that either.

So I can understand while you're upset, and it is starting (from what you've said) to sound to me like he needs some major help. However, I'd really like to reassure you that this isn't happening because you're not enough or you're doing something wrong or anything like that. It's because he's having a problem - and that's with the porn, not you. A man can be absolutely in love and enthralled by his girl, and passionately enjoy their sexual encounters. But if he has an addiction, that's not going to keep him from it. It's not your fault and this seems to signify a deeper problem he's having. I really hope he can work through it - maybe with professional help, and you two can be alright through this.