It is such a very long story. The 1st husband chose drugs over me and on the night of wedding reception he ditched me at the reception and went and got high. He showed up to the hotel we had at 5:30 in the morning with an attitude telling me that he was a few hours late excuse the f.... out of him. Needless to say, I ended up finally leaving him until 10 years later when we ran into each other. This time around, he showed me that he was finally not using drugs anymore; however, he has his baby mama that he decided to play both of us. He promised me the world all over again. He told me everything that I needed and wanted to hear. I believed all of his bull. We were together two months and I decided to move back from Wisconsin to Illinois and he moved in with me right away. Two weeks after, he started going to spend the weekends with his daughter because he told me his ex would not allow him to take his daughter to our home. Long story short I just found out that everything he was telling me he was telling her too. He was telling me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and was saying the exact same thing to her.We

The husband that my divorce was just final in December. I married him 9 months after my final split with the man I just described in the last paragraph. He talked me into having a baby with him right away. I was still really hurt from the first marriage and I jumped way to fast into this one. Jamie was arrested 5 months after we got married due to hanging around with the wrong people. They got busted for drugs and of course since he was there when it went down he also got arrested. I waited for him for 4 years and 7 months. While he was in he promised me the world of course. When he got out of prison he did not keep one solid promise that he made to me. He cheated on me, never wanted to be home, never wanted to make love, and didn't bother to care whether he spent time with his daughter or not. Our divorce took 10 months and those 10 months were some of the hardest days of my life. I loved that man with everything that I had inside of me, and he never seemed to care one bit for me except for when he was in prison. Now he is back with his ex. The skank that caused problems in my marriage from the day that Jamie and I got together. It just kills me to know they are together. I don't know how to get over that either.

I guess these are the shorter versions of the crazy things that I allowed both men to do to me. I need to be able to finally make peace with what has happened and once and for all move on with my life. I just don't know how to completely let go. I still love both men with all of my heart and I don't know how to make the love stop or go away. They both could care less on how much I am still in, or at least that is how I feel based on the things that they say to me....