what she's doing is coping the best way she knows how. as hurt as you are, this probably doesn't even come close to being anywhere near about you. it goes back back back into her history. unresolved trauma is never truly dormant. it is just waiting for the best time to remind you it's there. poor Sarah, to have to live with it.

There are so many things tied to abuse of the nature Sarah experienced that will come back to haunt her. i know. her intimate relationship with you was probably so foreign to her that after the initial bliss wore off, the doubts set in. basically she probably sat around often wondering when it would happen: when would you turn into everyone other male she knew and hurt her? when would she get what she (feels like she) deserved?

there is unworked through guilt, anger, shame, frustration, fear...all that and more tied into that trauma that Sarah went through. abusive relationships are familiar to her... they are what she has had, they are what she expects. and they are probably what she feels like she deserves and has earned. your relationship was the 'too-good' type. the type that feels 'too good to be true' and ultimately, 'too good' for her.

she went back to what she was familiar with... better the familiar bad than the unknown bad, to her way of thinking. the closer you two become, the more important you become and the less she could allow that to happen. her history probably feels like a stain she carries around that will spill onto all her new relationships... so far that has been true. then you came and as you became more important to her, she just couldn't allow that stain to affect you too. she would rather walk away from a good thing with you then have to wait around wondering when you would see 'what she really is' (in her mind) and then have to watch you leave.

does what i'm saying make any sense? she wants better but probably feels she doesn't deserve better, and doesn't trust anything 'better' that comes along. experience has taught her that 'better' is just a new version of bad.

Sarah needs therapy... i'm afraid there is little you can do for her except to be her friend if she'll let you and offer her the suggestion that perhaps therapy would be a good idea. if she proceeds with therapy she will need your support if you can give it. otherwise, she is probably not going to welcome contact from you.

in answer to 'what on earth is she doing?" she is doing what she thinks is necessary to protect herself. it may seem convoluted to you...but trust me, in Sarah's mind it probably makes a lot of sense.

if you have other questions, or if i'm not making any sense, feel free to PM me. i'll keep Sarah and you in my thoughts and prayers.

-shadow