You sound like an excellent worker, providing that you do not have to "perform" or dance to the tune of another's expectations. I would call at least part of your anxiety "performance anxiety" rather than PTSD, but you also express some resistance to the idea of taking orders from others, which is another story altogether, at least I think. I would suggest continuing your job applications, with the realization that cyberspace attracts many "scammers" so that you won't be let down when you run onto one. At the same time, I would call organizations such as hospice care, hospitals, children's programs, and Senior Citizens, etc. re Volunteer Work. Not only will this increase your chances for getting a job, but it will bolster your self esteem. A friend ~ billieJ