Dear one,

I am so so sorry you went through all of this. It is very difficult to recover from things like that. And I say recover - because this is what you need to do. Take time, be good to yourself, be caring towards yourself and heal. Dont beat yourself about what happened. You did not ask for it and you are not to blame. You just need to remind yourself that you are worthy of good people and good deeds, that you are a good person who wants to do good for others and deserves the same.

I do not think that you allowed them. Maybe to an extent you did and I think that was sub concious. It more that they allowed themselves to treat another human being this way. They hurt you. Please do not take responsibility for this. They should be the ones taking the responsibility.

Having said that, I think that you probably need to work on your self esteem and perhaps codependancy issues. Are you seeing a T? If not - I recommend it.

Also - a good book to read is 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwood. I think you will find yourself in between the lines and may find some comfort in this book, as well as some hard insights.

Some women are particularily care taking, responsible and have some issue with control. These women are more prone to be with men who are not caring, not responsible and controling. By the sound of things you fit this and your men do too.

You can recover. But this will involve hard work facing some childhood scenes and memories, belives you have about yourself and some change. I hope you are up for it! The rewards are graet! I have walked your path too and am recovering. I am so much healthier and happier now. Its been a long jurney and I can tell you, women who love too much may die if they do not recover. Its an illness. So please take time and recover. I am here for you if you need me. Hugs xxxxx