Hi, everyone. I have never written on a forum before, but because I'm feeling so lonely, I can't bare to bottle it up. Sorry if this isn't customary or if this is an odd post, but for whatever reason, typing out my thoughts in a little thread seems oddly compelling and somehow potentially helpful; it'd be nice if someone could listen. Anyway...

I'm a teenage girl, and as a typical teen, I have become victim to living up to an image. I am also a hopeless idealist, leading me to imagine perfect scenarios about EVERYTHING, my friendships, boys, etc., none of which ever come true because they're hyperbolic. For the past year, I've been frequenting the internet, meeting people via roleplaying and such and dating like that, but it honestly made me feel like such a loser to resort to such behavior to satiate my loneliness. I have friends and I'm not really regarded as a loser in school, but I still don't feel satisfied with my situation. I've liked several boys but they (obviously) never feel the same. I have concluded that it must be something wrong with me, my image, my personality, and have thus degraded into a girl that believes she can never live up to being beautiful and desirable.

I realize how droning on and cliché this sounds, but this is really how I feel. I'm not here for you to say "I'm sure you're beautiful" and whatnot, I just hate feeling this way. Some people truly feel they're beautiful even when I don't think they are, and their boyfriends/partners view them in the same way. How do you achieve such a beautiful relationship?

Words cannot describe how much worse it has gotten as high school has progressed. All I see are people dating, people being together all the time and having plenty of love (thanks to facebook, parties, etc.) and then there's me---always lagging behind and never wanted, or put first. I am now wondering what I should even do in a day. It all gets wasted and I never feel truly fulfilled or happy unless I'm with a guy or doing something extreme (of course this rarely happens). Luckily enough, I have decided against drugs to fix myself, mostly because it'd tear my parents apart if I did, and I care about them too much to do something to cause them pain. Hence why I haven't contemplated suicide yet. But that doesn't mean I've never pondered the idea.

I just don't see the point in life anymore.

Ah. I just needed to get it out of my system. Thanks if you read it all, I appreciate any comments.