I try so hard but no matter what I do I just can't get that feeling of feeling content and satisfied with myself and my life because I keep missing what was and what could have been.

It's even harder when I have lost all the social life, family life, rhythm, direction, friends, hope, sense of purpose.

I was so full of life and excitement for living and enthusiastic.

Now, no matter what I do, I cannot feel good.

I feel like I am just existing and not really living, although I am doing so much.

It saddens me to think that my whole life will just be this humdrum.

I didn't leave just the abuse, I left LIFE itself. everything i had was through him and now I only get to see my kids half the time because of this strange judge that everyone in town feels makes the worst decisions regarding custody.

I feel like my kids visit me. I don't feel a connection with them really because they have to leave every 2-3 days.

It's awful.

I'm worried I'll never be normal again.

All my dreams shattered, all my enthusiasm for life gone, things that were no big deal to do seem like such monumental tasks.

I'm really worried.

Thanks to everyone. You all really help me a lot.