Hi Hysteriax,
first let me say, you're very articulate and a good writer. I have 2 daughters 8 and 12 and I'm trying to raise them to be strong young women. I really worry the way young women are pressured in todays society. I think there's way too much focus on outer beauty and sex - not enough emphasis on inner beauty and character. Sure it's great to make yourself look your best, but don't try to live up to that image of 'perfect beauty' or perfect relationships. Here's a good website that shows how the beauty industry, alters photos and is misleading. It's damages young womens self esteem - how can they ever look like those models, when THEY don't even look like that. Here's the website:

http://www.dove.ca/en/ - click on 'campaign for real beauty'.

Now that I'm older I encourage all young women to stay away form serious relationships. The reason being, when they fail, it pummels your self esteem. Get involved in exercise and preferably a team sport because it's known that women who are physically active, have better self esteem. Try to get involved in any clubs in school and just concentrate on being friends with nice people. It's okay if you're not doing what everyone else is and they might not be as happy as you think. Remember you can't find happiness through someone else - it has to come from inside you.

Perhaps speaking with a school counselor would help and I encourage you to write down your feelings. Many young people are idealists but if you're always striving for perfection, you might be disappointed. Best of luck in understanding yourself and thanks for sharing.