I feel like the worst person in the world right now and need some support. September 12th was 10 months clean for me. I know soooo much about recovery, read recovery lit. almost everyday, go to at least 3 meetings a week, and try helping a fellow addict everytime I have the chance. Yet, lastnight none that seemed to apply to me. I didn't fall COMPLETELY off the wagon, so to speak, but I did f**k up. As some of you know my only remaining sister is an addict. I hadn't seen her in months until recently and she's moved back home with us. Lastnight we went out on what was intended to be an innocent night. Instead we ended up at a dope dealers house she's friends with and I took only two hits off the meth pipe. For some that may not mean much, two little hits, but for me it's major.

I've went these 10 months taking it one day at a time, praying and asking the God of my understanding to guide me through the day and not let me do anything displeasing to Him. What do I do? I go off and attempt to get high. No, I didn't get high off those two hits. Partly because I have a high tolerance and mostly because I felt so much shame and guilt over it that's all that was on my mind. I don't want to go back where I once was. I don't want to be a junkie anymore. I don't want everyone to look at me and say, "That's Stacy, the junkie we knew couldn't make it clean.", I don't want that!

How do I get away from the dope and stay away? Since my sister has moved back home, it's hard to turn the dope away especially when she has it on her and gives it freely. I've been so depressed every since I got home from Florida last Sunday. I thought by taking a couple hits off the pipe, it'd make me feel better like it used to do. I was wrong. It just made me feel worse and like a complete failure.

What do I do? I have no one to turn to. My friends have disappeared and all I have is my sister but she's not a great influence on me right now. Please, help me, or give me some advice. I'm lost. *sigh*