If you feel you need help, you should go get some. Please dont sit in your pain, it's an uncomfortable position. And if you are having suicidal thoughts you ALREADY wish to escape the pain, so...why not use that urge to go seek help and make the pain go away?

I have a friend who has symptoms very similar to yours and she's also in college but she doesnt have an account on Psychcentral.com.

So, i'm going to copy-paste what she has to say to you:

"A lot of people might tell you don’t worry about it, you have plenty of time to figure it out. While that has a grain of truth to it, I know what it feels like to needs to be doing something, to be searching for your passion because you feel as if your life is empty without it. You probably do not WANT to wait, right?

I am interested in a ton of different things, but I don’t know what I want to devote myself to. What would hold my interest for the next five years?

I also have always thought i’m destined to die early. I’m sort of ok with that, yet I do half-make plans for my life after that, just to satisfy everyone else. After all I thought my life was over 3 years ago, and I was wrong about that.

I’ve had similar experiences with hospitals and meds and people telling me things. I guess you could say i have an imaginary friend too. two of them. But that’s another story. We’ve learned to get along and figured out how to live with each other. I am also no longer on medication. But I do think they are needed sometimes.

I also get scared people can hear my thoughts, especially in buildings with high ceilings. But what works for me is memorizing poetry and reciting it when I get those fears. Because the words act as a wall to keep others from hearing my thoughts. And if they do all they will hear is a poem. Or I recite song lyrics in my head. When I run out of those I count backwards from 100. I also have a special ring I wear to keep the shadow people from being able to see me.

I had to forgive myself for existing, for being in the way, for all the things i did that were wrong and all the things I didn’t do and should have, for being overweight or being sick and depressed, for not being who everyone needed me to be. I had to stop hateing myself before life stopped being a burden. Things are still difficult sometimes but life isn’t an unbearable burden anymore.

Part of forgiving yourself is taking care of yourself. Make sure you get enough sleep, enough food. Be gentle with yourself, because we should be gentle and forgiving to all people, even if we need to be firm and not give them another chance we should forgive them in our hearts so the hatred doesn’t eat us away. This is just how I see things.
pm Sophia and ask for my email and we can talk more if you want."