Quote:
Originally Posted by Fool Zero
Hi again, Sophia!  If there's one thread I see running through your last few posts, it's that you're trying to apply someone else's standards to yourself, not feeling much like meeting those standards, and cracking down on yourself for it, apparently to little avail:
By any chance, could some of the above be an indirect statement to, oh, your mom for instance? I was wondering where you could be getting those standards you're beating yourself up with, and I couldn't help noticing this part:
------- Entering Fool Zero's fantasy -------
Please watch your step.
If your mom had some kind of problem with you being yourself (or, worse, being who she feared you might turn out to be -- everything she didn't like about herself, perhaps), one thing she might do about that would be to push you to keep meeting her standards: do your homework on time, have lots of friends, and stay away from alcoholics. Then, if you went along with the program, she could breathe a sigh of relief that she'd saved you from being like her. She'd take credit, of course, and you might be left wondering why, although you'd apparently done everything right, you weren't getting much satisfaction from it and didn't quite feel like yourself. Right now it might look to you as if the only way to be even remotely yourself, might be to be more or less the opposite of who your mother wants you to be.
------- Leaving Fool Zero's fantasy -------
Please watch your step.
Therapy sounds like the place to start sorting this out for yourself. |
I honestly am unsure whether or not I apply other people's standards to myself. Maybe I do.
My mom competed in Miss America & worked on wallstreet for a number of years before she became a mother. She told me that no one thought she would ever leave the workforce and yet she did. Currently she is obsessed with becoming a successful yoga-teacher. It's literally all she thinks about. Literally.
If I go to talk to her I can see the wheels turning away in her head about yoga stuff. She isn't really listening to me. And if she doesnt bring up yoga in a conversation it's kind of a shock.
*shrug*
I've said in the past numerous times that I wanted to quit college because it made me feel like absolute **** about myself that I seemed not to be able to get good grades. She wouldn't let me quit. She made me go back.
I had no say.
I think her defense was "if you dont do it now you will never do it"
"You may not have this opportunity later"
And here I am again, in college.
I mean there are extenuating circumstances (sp?). I have a disability which means that i MUST have insurance. I am still under my dad's insurance until i am 25 because I am unemancipated. I think my medical bills came up to a total of 300,000 over 2 or 3 years?
Some ridiculous number without insurance.
So I guess my mom worries that if I drop out of college that I will be impoverished the rest of my life and in poor health due to not being able to pay for insurance.
But I dont think I've ever heard her say that. It's something I think about though.
It's expensive to be disabled.
o__o