Ok, so there's no getting out of the current situation. And no way to get to a meeting till Tuesday. So...you've accepted the things you cannot change - your sister, the 2 hits, your living situation, the meeting situation, now you need the courage to change the things you can - your attitude on the situation, stop the pour me's and make some phone calls since you can't get to a meeting. You can change the lost feeling by reaching out members of your group even though you can't get to a meeting yet. You already have the wisdom to know the difference. You've been through this before. Look back at what you did following the first relapse. Start taking the action to begin recovering again. It's ok to feel bad about it - for a brief time! If you don't start forgiving yourself and taking some action, you won't begin recovering. Make some calls, try to help another addict, read your books, check out recovery sites, dive into your program, write about the situation, and do a 4th step on yourself! And have you called your sponser? You are a strong woman bama, get strong and get through this!