I say "person" instead of "people" because to the outside world, we are one person. Actions can't be blamed on alters (even when it was done by an alter) because nobody knows they exist. We don't really mind this...We would have a hard time if people knew, because (being in high school) they'd either treat us like a freak, walk on eggshells around us, or be super nice to us in a really fake way. One or two would understand; those are the people we've trusted with this secret.

Regardless of my alters and/or my mental and emotional state, I have always tried to maintain a certain manner around people, especially adults. I always try to be respectful, not talk back, be polite, etc. Most of the time I'm able to do this, which is why several of my friends parents really like me. Lately, however, this has been disintegrating...With most adults, I can maintain this attitude to some degree. But the ones that are difficult, especially those who remind me of my mother (of which there are a few)...I can be a very unpleasant person. I can see how this is my alters protecting me from a type of person who has been very, very instrumental in breaking down every good feeling I may have about myself. But it's interfering with school. Today I got in a "fight" with the lady at the front office when I went home sick. She started lecturing me about something (I wasn't paying attention, as I always dissociate heavily during this), though I'd warned her that I didn't have energy for that s*** today. I didn't yell, or throw anything; I didn't really even get angry. Just defiant. When she finished, one of us (I think Anji) said something along the lines of "feel better now?" in a derogatory tone. The lady started crying!

Mind you, it has never been my/our intention to upset anyone; the only reason we act like this is to protect ourselves. That is the only reason we've ever lashed out (not exaggerating), whether it seems that way to others or not. However, I'm/we're horrified whenever it happens. This is not the person we want to be. Obviously we're a bit stressed right now (overall, not just today). But that's still not an excuse. I don't know what to do...this is just stressing me out more.

I haven't seen my T in at least a month. That could be one reason. Anyone have ideas on how to "control" this behavior, or how to de-stress?