Feary, I'm so sorry you're having to go thru all this. I too have been having anxiety attacks lately due to circumstances caused by mid-life crisis. It seems you suffer from the same type of thinking I do, thinking the way you feel now is the way you'll always feel. Well, you won't, and I've been trying to tell myself that over and over lately. Just do what you have to do to get yourself thru each day, things will eventually change. I know it's hard to not let your mind go down all the paths that those awful thoughts want to take you down, but try make yourself stop when you can. Just keep going thru the motions of living, you will eventually feel different. Hang in there, and take a deep breath. And keep talking to the people on here, it helps to talk it out.