Hi, Belle, hunny, I am so sorry you are going thru this right now. Everyone here is giving you wise, kind, and loving advice. And like them, I also want you to be healed from this hurt, this emotional trauma.
I actually came here to PC years ago for help with such hurt. I rec'd much helpful, straightforward, honest advice (some of which I didn't want to hear!). I'm all well now, and looking back at what I put up with, I'm appalled. I feel nothing, really indifference is the right word, toward the person who was so cruel to me, but the recovery, for me, was very slow and tiresome...going thru the stages of grief, a few steps forward, then backward, then slowly forward again. I wanted to be over it quickly, and wished there was a magic pill I could take to make it all better. Of course, nothing like that exists. I was impatient because it took such time! Time really IS the "great healer," though, and eventually, you will come to view this man with abhorrance.
One thing I know for certain from my own experience is that NO contact with such a person is absolutely necessary to your recovery. Asking him questions and hoping for right answers will only aggravate your wounded heart. I tried that myself, and now, looking back, I realize I just added to my own humiliation and hurt, thus, making the recovery longer.
When you do heal, and you WILL!!!, you will feel revulsion toward this man who wasn't and truly isn't worthy of you.
Love,
Patty