Yea, its a HUGE coaster... mine seems to go down more than up however. I can never control it, never have a warning as well. I have alrdy lost my hope, i know that's not good, but it is the truth. I don't see any signs of getting better and it sucks. I go through a lot during the day as well as you. Along with the depression, the thoughts of how can I make it, I have raging anger, everyone around me flares it, wether they do something or not. My sanity is almost nothing left, and I'm done trying to resist it bc I always get knocked back even faster. Idk what to do as much as you don't.

And pm me as well if you need me or want to talk.