Mr. Burn, are you looking at getting a new T? That's really awful.

I LOVE this topic and am going to relish reading everyone's responses here in a bit. Right now I'm just going to dash off some problems that are top of mind for me about my current therapist:

He seems to be incapable of identifying with me. When I bring him something like: person A said B to me, which was hurtful and I feel attacked, he tries to imagine the interaction from their point of view. Sometimes he'll urge me to feel sorry for or admire the person who was attacking me, or he'll accuse me of being judgmental about them. He constantly demonstrates a blatant lack of sympathy, kindness, ability to comfort me, etc. I don't know if it's massive social dumbosity, or a passive aggressive form of hostility toward me. If I could figure that out, I'd be closer to knowing what to do about it.

He gets irritable in session, and then puts the responsibility for it on me. He's open to discussing the fact that he gets impatient or hostile, but tells me that it's on me to point out that his behavior is bothering me. I keep telling him that if he's having a bad day and isn't up to doing a session, I would rather have him just cancel and reschedule with me. He never does that. It's like he thinks I'm making the suggestion out of concern for him, and tries to tell me that he's just fine, not to worry! But I'm actually just trying to avoid being treated like caca when he's in a bad mood.

When I've occasionally tried to probe into the sources of his ill-humor, he comes up with some bizarre defenses. Last time he told me that the mind is huge, he doesn't know what's going on in his own mind half the time, and that the conscious mind is very far away from the ancient mammal brain. So it's possible, he admits, that he has some issues with me (some kind of countertransference deal, I assume, although he doesn't like the term) and that it could be affecting what goes on between us. But that's as far as he'll go with it.

Our sessions have become all about our relationship.

I can't ever bring in anything where I describe myself as a victim -- he doesn't buy it. So I edit myself now -- just bring in dream work or stick with parental stuff, which we have gone over and over.

He rarely tries to build my confidence. I realize that psychotherapy isn't life coaching, but it would be nice to hear something positive about myself from someone I respect. He refuses to build me up, but will occasionally give me a back-handed compliment. As in, "You have good qualities. One of them is extreme sensitivity. Of course, that also creates some problematic areas for you."

He invokes his own helplessness as a defense when we're trying to hammer out why our therapeutic relationship seems to be on the skids. Last time he told me, "I'm just over here guessing. I'm just making guesses about you." That really frickin' floored me, because: one, he ought to be a good guesser. A psychotherapist is presumably pretty good at prising out people's emotions and issues. If he's guessing at me, he should be making some pretty darn good guesses. He ought to be GREAT at guessing! And two, HE DOESN'T NEED TO GUESS WITH ME! I'm super articulate, I'm aware of my feelings, I'm open to discussing my errors, I want his input, there's nothing I won't talk about. I'm just baffled by his $hit sometimes.

I could go on -- thanks for letting me vent! D: Great thread!