I have some therapy "homework" to do that I want to sit down to tonight.

We have been talking about my abuse, which is the first time I have ever said any of it out loud, to anyone, ever. For almost 2 years my therapist has been trying to get me to understand that I didn't do anything to deserve it. I'm getting closer and closer to believing him, but that's the problem.

I've always assumed I must be a horrible, rotten, evil person to have had that done to me -- I must have had it coming. That has been my worldview for basically my entire life.

So, if I believe I DON"T deserve it -- then that person I know as "me" goes away, and in fact never existed, because I was never rotten and evil.

Somebody tell me what I do with that.

I'm supposed to write about the unknown and what's scary about it, and about who I would be if it turns out I can't be the "me" I've known for all these years. I really have no idea what's going to come out of it. I guess I'm asking how you completely shift your thinking without losing your entire self in the process. Ideas?

Candy