Quote:
Originally Posted by flirtygirl
Feary, I'm so sorry you're having to go thru all this. I too have been having anxiety attacks lately due to circumstances caused by mid-life crisis. It seems you suffer from the same type of thinking I do, thinking the way you feel now is the way you'll always feel. Well, you won't, and I've been trying to tell myself that over and over lately. Just do what you have to do to get yourself thru each day, things will eventually change. I know it's hard to not let your mind go down all the paths that those awful thoughts want to take you down, but try make yourself stop when you can. Just keep going thru the motions of living, you will eventually feel different. Hang in there, and take a deep breath. And keep talking to the people on here, it helps to talk it out.
|
I AM stuck this way forever. I do not recognize myself at all. I don't know who I am. I am so devastated by my divorce and I have no life and am nobody without that marriage despite the abuse and however bad it was, at least it was living.
I feel so bored no matter what I do. I feel like I need to stay busy all day long and that is not possible.
what is wrong with me?
Like today:
I woke up, cleaned the house for a showing, then took my 5 year old son to a playdate (my daughter was napping and at home with my mother) for 3 hours and chatted and had a good time with the mom and now we are back at home.
I should feel good about the day but I don't.
I am going nutty just being in this house but I know that I cannot take the kids out anywhere because my son was out all day and he is tired. I could take my daughter out and my son stay with my mom but I feel guilty because my son would want me to be home.
Right now my mom is playing with them in the play room but I cannot get myself to go play with them. I feel like I will go crazy just sitting there leisurely because all my racing thoughts about time passing, aging and dying will consume me while playing in the play room. I also feel like we should be doing something else instead of sitting at home. I don't know. I will join them after I write this but I feel I should be doing something else. I could go to a yoga class but then I feel guilty leaving them. I could do some spring cleaning but again I feel guilty not spending time with them because what if I die soon.
There is no structure to my life.
It is just not natural for a family to be broken up by divorce.
I don't have a rhythm, routine to my life anymore-it's like just do whatever I want to every day and I hate it. I hate having to be with myself all the time making every decision and doing everything on my own.
I feel like I have no life and I am just running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
I feel like nothing I do is the right thing and every choice I make is wrong. I just feel I am living the wrong way. Life seems meaningless because I am divorced, a single parent, and have my kids only half the time and there is no structure or routine.
I feel like time is running out.
I will never feel peace or security or safe.
I cannot handle this uncertainty. I cannot live with these thoughts, worries, knowledge, fears of time passing, aging and dying.
I am sooo devastated by my divorce because I lost EVERYTHING and it is too late to go back even because he will never change.
what do I do. I can't live without him or with him.
I have no life and anything I try to do seems pointless.
meds and therapy are not working AT ALL.
there is no help for me and I cannot help myself.