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Well I can say that I am officially confused. I am not depressed, and not manic. I actually feel 'normal' but am confused out of my mind.
I make no claims to have any relationship experience, and admit that my own self destruction has interfered in past experiences. I met a girl, and we have dated several times. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of a year (he dumped her).
We spent all Friday together and she met my best friend and his girlfriend. They got along well and we all had a good time. The week earlier we were at my Nephews birthday party, it was a hockey game and she loves hockey. My Uncle invited her to an Easter family gathering. I was happy to have her come, but also hesitant as it seemed a bit fast. She wanted to go and I do like her.
On Sunday I emailed her to express my feelings. I will summarize the email. I like her a lot, and care for her. I do not want to be the rebound guy, and I do not want to push or rush. I want to take things slow and see where they lead.
Monday she wanted to get together and talk, which did not happen because she ended up in the hospital. She got a hold of me at about 5:00am Tuesday to tell me what had happened. I work at the hospital, so I was able to see her (with her permission).
I brought a plant (represents healing) a card, and a stuffed penguin (which is her favorite animal). When I went to go back to work she grabbed my hand, and then pulled me close and we kissed for the first time. She asked if I could come back, and I was allowed to work from the room so I did. That night she asked me some very personal (and awkward for me) questions. I answered her questions (even though it was embarrassing). And we held and kissed each other.
Well fast forward to Thursday. She was released, and she called me when she got home. I asked if I could do anything for her, and she said no. She mentioned that she was kind of bored, and I offered to stop by after work if she wanted. Well she said that would not be a good idea, and then proceeds to tell me that I should back off a bit, and that we were moving too fast. I said no problem; because I do not want to rush, and to be honest I was feeling rushed by her.
I get home from work, and was talking to some friends and she texted me to ask if I was mad at her. I was not mad, I was disappointed that things seemed to be moving forward and then took a step back. So I responded no I’m not mad. Then she said we should get out and see a movie tonight. After what was said earlier I was extra confused, but I agreed. I picked her up, and when I was driving she said that she likes me a lot, but only wanted to be friends right now. She said that she does not want me to be just the rebound guy, and end up hating her. She set the rules as right now we would not hold hands and kiss as we had been. She said that she is not ready for a relationship, but that she could see me as being in one with her, and even wants that.
I told her that I do understand, and that I do not want to rush. I respect that she just ended a relationship, and that I want to be her friend. So before the night was over she had asked me even more personal questions regarding sex and why I am a virgin still. I answered her truthfully that the opportunities I have had were not with people I truly cared about, and that I personally view sex as something to be shared by people who care and love one another. She asked if I was waiting for marriage, and I said no just the right person. She then grabbed my hand and said she liked me even more because she now knows that I am not just trying to get in her pants.
For setting the rules that we were not holding hands, she had and caressed my hand most of the night. I really like this girl, and want to give her the time she needs… I am just confused because it’s say one thing, and then do another. I am not in a hurry, and have no problem waiting. I just am so confused right now. The feelings I have are completely new to me and I just don’t know what to think. She says back off, but then she says come and get me.
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