I'm in one of those thoughtful, depressed state of minds and I wondered if everyone really survives after being abused.

I was raped when I was very young by a older gentleman that I used to walk a dog for. From what I have recalled, he had more dirty pictures than I have ever seen. He used the idea of "looking at the family album" to get me into the house - the rest you know..........I think I was about 9 or 10.

My first husband, when I was only 18, hurt me so much that I knew everyone in the ER on a first name basis. My second husband was into both physical and verbal abuse, mostly verbal.

And winner #3 is equally physical and verbal. Three time loser here, let me tell you. I learned to not care about the physical attacks because it only hurt the outside, not the me inside. The verbal attacks have created numerous walls and masks that I use/wear to survive.

My parents never hugged me on their own - still don't to this day. If I hug them first, fine......otherwise, it's a long wait. My father still believed in using a belt on my backside, while my mom simply slapped me after my dad was done.

All in all though, did I survive? I exist, I breathe, but I'm not me - and haven't been for years. I don't even know "me" anymore..........

Surviving implies living to me....I am not "living". I am alive, yes. But I carry the scars and the memories with me everyday of my life and always will.

What does everyone else think?