Going through issues like this is a process, so try not to limit your thinking too much regarding future possibilities. Just because you don't want sex now doesn't mean you'll never find it enjoyable, or that kids will never be a possibility. You still are quite young, and there are many young men in your age range who would like a relationship but choose to abstain from sex. You have options and bringing this up here was a great first step. There is often a lot of shame associated with abuse that makes talking difficult, so facing that challenge is often the first step in seeking help and dealing with the issues. I would definitely try to work up to bringing this up with your T (especially if that person has earned some trust). Although recovery can be a journey, it's certainly not one you should have to go through alone.

Also, if you don't mind some semi-frank discussions on sex, I'd be happy to lend my opinion: If you are that anxious and upset during sex acts, and especially since grounding let you enjoy it a few times, I would say the pain you experience is most likely a natural response to that stress. If you're not ready, you're not ready; and that's perfectly okay. As much as it may feel like everyone is having sex at your age, it's not true. The ones who aren't just don't talk as much about it. Also, when you get to a position where you feel comfortable enough to start exploring sexuality (which honestly probably isn't now), it might be better to start with self-exploration rather than doing it with a partner. That way you don't feel pressured to keep going if you don't want to, and you stay completely in control of the whole thing. One step at a time though.

Again, I'm really happy you were able to bring this up with us, and I wish you all the luck in your healing process. Take care!