I guess i have come back to old coping habits - usually i cut or scratch where it cant be seen - but i have done so this time all down my arems - i am having to wera dressings at work - our uniforms are short sleeved (nurse) so i cant do anything else like wear long sleeves

theworst thing is im not lettign them heal - i know all the techniques - i try them - but its almost an unconscious habit now and the first i know of it is when i have blood on my, hands....

I am disapointed that i cant stay present enough to know what im doing - i drift all the time - my T retired and i havnt found another one - cos i dont care enough - i dont really care about anythign - well almost anything - i asm ding the barest things possible to survive - and that includes bills and food - I had some big bills and i made arrangements to pay them so i cant afford much food for a while - so im not eating welladn this is not helping as i am so tired all the time - and so i dont do anything - and so things get fouled up adn so on and so on ruond and round we go....

a couple of months if i stay good i wil be o an even keel financially - still deep in deobt - but hey i did that to myself - so i ahve to dig my way out of it dont i .....

meanwhile - my arms get worse - they get infected - i clean them out - i cant afford the meds lol

is there a question here....i guess its how do you stop doing somthing that youre doing without thjnking when you cant stay present to keep connected to Real life .....

I hope everyone is well

take care

P7