Byz, I just went through the stinkin' thinkin' list again. That is NOT easy. I see my way of coneceptualizing the world written all through the distortions and that in itself could be a distortion. I see "Catastrophize" and actually begin to pant instead of breathing correctly. Can go through that list and pick out most of those traits as illustrating the way that I think.
It's a lot to go there. My T is working with me on these and even in the safety of her office there are times I want to get up and leave. I get disgusted and scared with myself. We're working on autonomy. How to explain this? Okay, because I was not allowed to express an opinon, express myself for so long or risk or did get physically beaten and was just looking to survive from minute to minute my view of what Is real was skewed. Naturally. I generalized (and still unfortunately do) that most of the world population is like what I once encountered even though intellectually I know that's not true. Reflex ily, it still seems that way.
Yeah, I have a lot of work to do and this therapist has been pushing me to see the distortions in my thoughts. I never had this before with my previous therapist who just loaded me up on pills and sent me on my way. My current T is not such a medical model therapist,- more behavioral. It can get downright scary to face all of this.