For the last five years my ex T had asked me who am I? I've thought over and over about this through the years...I can only come up with one answer, and I know it's not right but it seems to be this way...I am a sex object, something to be used, a victim...that's the life that I know. I know all I've known is pain.

My bf of 5 years ago traumatized me by holding me down, strangling me, and making me touch a child...forcibly I might add. I developed DID after that incident. I could not stop the trances that I would go into. I'd hang myself or cut myself in these trances, but I always came out of them right before going all the way. I wouldn't remember how I got to where I would be at in the house or where I'd get the things I used to hurt myself...

I'm still not near over this whole event. I was the one who turned everything in to the police and tried to protect that little girl as best I could. My efforts weren't good enough, though. That's the part that still kills me. Sometimes at night I can still see her face...an innocent face so unsure of what she should be doing. I loved that child and was forced to hurt her in a way I know all too well.