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I inherited BP and Panic Disorder from my father. It's always been mild. I was on Lamictal for a long time but developed the rash and have allergic reactions to everything else my pdoc has tried, so I'm on my own. This usually works out just fine if I pay close attention to how I'm feeling and think through it.
However, I recently lost my Mom and my uncle, who was like a father to me. They died within eight days of each other, my relatives started fighting and I entered a hell like I've never known.
Anger, racing thoughts and depression engulfed me. I can't even describe the enormity of the anger. I developed an ulcer literally within a week. I have colitis and wasn't able to keep any food in me for weeks. I ended up in the ER because I was so sick.
Just in this past week has any bit of normalcy returned to my life. I just wanted to tell all of you that deal with these things all the time that I don't know how you do it, and I am in awe of you. I am also terrified that it will happen to me again some day.
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today.
Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree.
My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else.
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