hi
First off - I want to encourage you to remember that BDSM is not "perverted" really. Depending on what you consider perverted. Heck some people think sex without marriage is pretty perverted. I think its such a grey term that theres no real definition.

Secondly, I wanted to talk about what you had mentioned about engaging in the BDSM in your previous relationship, and feeling good but also shameful and humiliated. Thats common - but I think you should as yourself why exactly do you find this to be a source of humiliation/shame? And also, is the negative feelings something that you feel you deserve, or just a side effect of BDSM?

Some women, often those who have been abused or treated poorly in the past, tend to gravitate towards BDSM/rough sex/ rough play/humiliation to fufill their need to punish themselves because of the abuse. Thats something you need to make sure ISINT true of why you went there and chose to do it. If it is, you may want to absolutely stay away from that, because it does re traumatize you, sometimes you dont realize it until much later on.

However - there are some people who just like it rough and kinky
I happen to be one of those people. I actually happen to be one who started with the beforementioned situation, stopped, healed that area of my life, and am now able to do it without retraumatization. I didnt even realize it was me fufilling old patterns until way into therapy. However now, I can enjoy a wide variety of sexual "deviances"(which i dont think they really qualify as a deviance - tons of people like this kind of thing) without punishing myself!

heres something to think about. BDSM is NOT about sexual violence, at its core. BDSM is about liking it a little rougher than normal, and enjoying either taking control AND responsibility for another human being, or being the one controlled. Myself, I enjoy when I can give up control of myself and trust my sexual self with a man. I know when I engage in this that I trust my bf to not do anything I say to stop. I trust that I can say a certain word and stop the whole thing if i am uncomfortable. And of course, I trust him to know my body and what I like! He in turn, trusts me to let him know when I need to stop, tell him what I like, and not only is he trusting me for all of this, he is also RESPONSIBLE for me during that time. True bdsm comes with responsibility for the other person. Its really about loving and caring and giving of yourself completely. And of course, about making the person happy and doing whats best for them.

What about sitting down and sort of picking his brain about this stuff a little more. You could say "I was reading online today about XYZ and it got me thinking. Whats your opinion on all that type of stuff anyways?" You could even throw in that you have done a bit of it and found it enjoyable.

This is all of course, going to depend on how much you trust this person. But if your thinking about getting into BDSM with him, you HAVE to ensure you trust him explicitly.