Hang in there Queen. Maybe your mom was speaking more from impule than actually having something planned. Perhaps in a day or so you could speak with her calmly about what you and your dad discussed. Even if she was in the car when you and him were discussing your desired burial proceedings, maybe she wasn't listening. Maybe her friend would be able to hitch up the boat and drive to NY. Or maybe you and your mom could take a trip to NY and then rent a boat. Maybe you could just suggest these things to her and see if the two of you can come to an agreement. In the end, she has the final decision on what happens to him so in my estimation it would be the best for you to calm down, take a few deep breaths and just rationally discuss your feelings about the situation with her. You could say, "you know mom, I think it's great that you've decided to move on with your life and move along in the greiving process. I'm proud that you are feeling like you're ready to let go of him physically but keep the memories you shared. I don't, however agree with your plan to spread his ashes in the ocean. Remember when dad and I would talk about what we wanted to happen after we died? He always said he'd want to be spread over the Hudson. I really feel like we should honor his wishes and I'd like to work with you to possibly carry out his wishes. I realize the decision is yours in the end but I just feel like it's important to do as he wanted...." Something along those lines... Youre acknowledging that her feelings are important and she's made progress toward resolution in her life but you're still being able to express your true feelings. I don't exactly know what your relationship is like with your mom, but maybe this is a good way to start ironing things out. I don't know. It's just a suggestion. You have every right to be upset that your mom is planning something and you know your dad wanted something different. I'm sure your dad would want you to talk with your mom and come up with an agreement rather than having a rift between the two of you over him. If your mom doesn't initiate a conversations about it then you have to but give it a day or two until you calm down a bit. Hang in there and I hope you get things figured out.