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Elysium · Apr 12, 2010, 12:37 AM

I am very Obese...my BMI is over 50. I'm 33 years old and I hurt all over...all the time. My fingers hurt when I bend them, my feet hurt, like they're broken, my knees and shoulders...they all hurt.

I most likely have Fibromyalgia. I haven't been formally diagnosed but have talked with an MD about it and they say that the symptoms sound like it. There's also a chance I may have something called CRPS (Chronic Reflex Pain Syndrome) and I am following up with this this month.

I had a Gastric Lap Band placed in January of 2006. I lost 100lbs in 8 months. Most of my physical pain went away and I was able to breathe easier, get off my meds, and exercise daily. I felt better about myself and my self esteem improved.

Since then, I've gained all the weight back and more and am now pushing 330lbs. What happened? I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was for the rapid weight loss and the inability to use food as my main crutch and coping skill. At the time, I didn't know that I had DID. After the surgery, my alters started coming out more and I didn't realize it and I started self harming and then I couldn't hold onto the weight loss.

Anyway...I really want to have the Gastric Bypass. I'm beginning to do some research on it and start the preparation process. I talked with T about it and she is supportive but concerned. She says that all of us (alters) need to be able to be on the same page and cooperate with the weight loss plan and work hard to utilize our other positive coping skills especially during the initial weight loss.

I am really scared that if I don't do this and change the way I am eating and get myself to a place where I can exercise more to stay healthy that I'm going to die. It's so hard to move. I'm out of breath all the time. I had to run at work the other day to protect a patient and I almost fell because as I was running it felt like my knee was going to give out and my hip started to pop.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else here has been down this road, or a similar road?