Thanks Sitting, I agree -- I'm in therapy because something I'm doing obviously isn't working for me. I really am open to having my errors pointed out. That's a big part of why I sought out therapy this time.

What isn't helpful is when my T goes out of his way to avoid identifying with me. There are times when I'm really hurting, like after being attacked by someone, treated with hostility, unfairly criticized. At those times I would love if it my T said, "Kitten, I feel for you. That must have hurt." And then I'd be open to his discussing different ways of responding, finding more constructive or creative ways of dealing with these events-- I know I tend to fly off the the handle, jump to conclusions about others' motives, etc. And I'm willing to explore the reasons for that.

But my T's need to treat me with objectivity crosses over into coldness, and it's just not a style that's helpful for me. When I confront him about it, he plays dumb -- says he feels helpless around me, is constantly guessing at what I want. All I want is some basic human sympathy, BEFORE he gets all therapisty on me. I need someone who gets me in a very basic way. I don't think it's an unrealistic expectation of a person who specializes in feelings! I'm already damaged. I don't want to be treated like a specimen on a slide all the damn time.

I love the Columboing concept that Pegasus brought up. I would be totally relieved if that was what my T was doing -- and I would have new respect for him if he were deploying a therapeutic strategy, and not just floundering. If I felt that he actually knew what he was doing, it might save our relationship.

Just got to find a tactful way of asking!