......What isn't helpful is when my T goes out of his way to avoid identifying with me. There are times when I'm really hurting, like after being attacked by someone, treated with hostility, unfairly criticized. At those times I would love if it my T said, "Kitten, I feel for you. That must have hurt." And then I'd be open to his discussing different ways of responding, finding more constructive or creative ways of dealing with these events-- I know I tend to fly off the the handle, jump to conclusions about others' motives, etc. And I'm willing to explore the reasons for that.

But my T's need to treat me with objectivity crosses over into coldness, and it's just not a style that's helpful for me.